Quotes Are Awesome

[ultimate523]

So I figured I'd make a thread about them. Here's a bunch I like:


"You can have everything in life that you want if you just give enough other people what they want."
Zig Ziglar

"It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese."
Carl Sagan

"It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets."
Voltaire

"Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil."
Niccolo Machiavelli

"A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history."
Mohandas Gandhi

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
George Burns

"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it."
Mark Twain

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally."
W. C. Fields

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
Frank Sinatra

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
Steven Wright

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
Fred Allen

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
Groucho Marx

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "
Bertrand Russell

"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three."
Laurence J. Peter

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."
Woody Allen

"Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem."
Bill Vaughan

"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
Mitch Hedberg

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
George Carlin

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
Albert Einstein

[CreamSoda]

Absolute power corrupts absolutely
My English Test

I dont know who the quote is actualy by.

[ultimate523]

Absolute power corrupts absolutely
My English Test

I dont know who the quote is actualy by.

"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men."
Lord Acton


It's so disturbingly true.

[Ardikus]

"Time is a great teacher, unfortunately it kills all its pupils"

"Sir, we're completely surrounded!" "Excellent! Now we can fire in any direction!"

don't know who made them...

[Artorius Perim]

"Sir, we're completely surrounded!" "Excellent! Now we can fire in any direction!"

LOL This is pretty great

[Funky Hum24n]

"Only Nixon could go to China."

Dare you to figure out the meaning of that one.

[CreamSoda]

Stacy's mom has got it goin on
-Fountain of Wayne

[Leo Balzac]

Veni, Vidi, Vici : I came, I saw, I conquored

Julius Caesar, 47 BC after a campaign in Turkey

[Guest]

"Time is a great teacher, unfortunately it kills all its pupils"

that is by Louis Hector Berlioz

[Guest]

"Operator! Give me the number for 911!"
"Oh, so they have internet on computers now!"
"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers."
"[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!"
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."
"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos."
"Homer no function beer well without."
"All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals."
"'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?"
"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."
"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"
"If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!"
"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realised I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four."
"All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one."
"Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college."
"Don't you ever, EVER talk that way about television."
"English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England!"
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures."

"Oh no, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican."

[Ardikus]

"when you apply to most jobs they ask for an emergency number, most people put their mom, or uncle, or sister or brother. I'm just going to go with 911. I like to keep it direct, go right to the guys who can help, whats my mom going to do? Call her once I get to the hospital."

[Funky Hum24n]

"when you apply to most jobs they ask for an emergency number, most people put their mom, or uncle, or sister or brother. I'm just going to go with 911. I like to keep it direct, go right to the guys who can help, whats my mom going to do? Call her once I get to the hospital."

That's more of a story than a quote. Get it right.

[Ardikus]

It has quotation marks around it, and I quoted it from someone.

I rest my case.

[Funky Hum24n]

They have to be quips.

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